Nature, in its infinite wisdom, has seen fit to test me with trying to repair the overheating problem on my wife’s Prism (probably the head gasket) in the middle of the summer, when I have no shop, or even cover, to work on the car.

Hopefully I will pass this test without ripping too much of my hair out. Posting here may be a stretch in between as I attempted to keep the world and nature from interfering with my life.

You would think after not answering the phone, or returning their messages, they might get the hint that I don’t want to go anywhere, or do anything.

To these people it is a well known fact that I what some call “anti-social”, though I feel it is more like “non-social”. It is not that I don’t ever want to be “social”, it is just that at times (to be honest, quite a few), that I don’t feel the NEED to be social.

I have done just about everything except answer the phone with, “What the hell do you want now?”, and yet these people continue to try to invade “my space”.

At the last place I lived, another group of people insisted on disturbing me constintly, and I solved it one day when someone knocked on my door, and all they saw was my pistol stick out the door, while hearing me anounce from inside that I would see to it that the next person who knocked on my door would not leave my porch breathing. It was amazing the peace and quiet I got after that.

I hope they begin to get the hint soon, before I feel the need to “school” this group as to the seriousness of my desire to be left alone at times.

5 Minute Management Course

Lesson 1:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized, ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

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Lesson 2:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’

Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

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Lesson 3

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’

The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

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Lesson 4

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’

‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..

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Lesson 5

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

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And so ends today’s lesson.

I do find hat there are some very accomplished female drivers in our midst, but it seems that those who are not are way off the chart.  It just seems if a woman is a bad driver she is a REALLY bad driver.  There is no “she is kinda a bad driver”, it is all out, “OH MY GOD!!! She is behind the wheel again, save the children!!”

To prove my point, here are a few visuals:

At the drive-thru

At construction sites

At the boat docks

I think I have mad my point …….

Some will do this even when they know that the family will make them feel bad, yet they will continue to seek them out.

Is our drive for approval from others, family in particular, really that strong? Or do they do this because they feel it is what is expected of them?

I don’t feel this need to have this stamp of approval placed upon me by others. Maybe I am the oddball here?

If a guy spends 10 years building 25 intricate bridges so that many people might have an easier commute each day, do you think he would be remembered as “Joe-the bridge builder”? ……

If a guy spends years in medical school, graduates, and uses his knowledge to 100′s  in need, do you think he would be remembered as “Ralph-the doctor”? …..

If a guy spends time volunteering at the local fire station, dedicating his-self to helping 1000′s of others from loosing all they may own, do you think he would be remembered as “Mike-the fire fighter”? …..

A guy could do any, or all, of these things and be remembered as such  ….. but suck just ONE cock …………….

(It is a joke, so don’t get ideas)

Why do that call them apartments when they are all stuck together? …..

Why do we call them ‘buildings’? If they are done they should be ‘builts’ …..

If you spill spot remover on your dog, does he disappear? ….

Why do people decide to get in shape, buy a weight set, put it in the garage, and then buy an electric garage door opener? ….

Things such as:

* If teflon is such a non-stick surface, what makes it stick to the surface of the pan?
* Why is it that we park on a driveway, yet dive on a parkway?
* How can something be new AND improved?   If it is new, it was not around to be improved.
* If Mr. Ed could really talk, why didn’t he ever complain about having to stand in his own pee?
* If Kitty Wells had married Conway Twitty, would her name had been Kitty Twitty?

These are just a few of the things I pondering when I sleep.

I will warn all: I talk about who I want, where I want, when I want, and how I want; but only if I want.

If you can’t handle the heat,  stay the hell out of my kitchen, cuz I am cookin’.  That’s right, break out the butter cuz I am on a roll!!!

So stay tuned for the ranting of the Doc of Shock, the Duke of Spook, the Crowned Prince of Political Incorrectness, the man with no tan  …….